Work, Love and Working with a Loved One!
Friday, I’m in love! Turns out sometime this week it was #nationalspouseday and since Sam has taken on a lot more commitment this last year beyond being my husband, it seemed like a good time to share about a question we get asked quite often.
‘How do we set boundaries surrounding our marriage when we also have a working relationship together?’ The million dollar question right here folks, say hello to a learning curve that has hit us hard these last two years. Whether you are working with family, friends, or your life partner, balancing that person as a business partner can present unique challenges. Here’s some tips from us to you!
Let’s start with something that probably won’t surprise you comin’ in hot at #1:
FRUSTRATION IS NORMAL. It hasn’t been easy. When Sam first started taking my photos and being a more hands on part of my creative business, we would both get easily frustrated, expecting more out of one another than was realistic. But he took the time to learn, I took the time to let him, wile also learning about myself, knowing what I could control (ie poses, hair, makeup, attitude, energy, etc.) and did my best to find better ways to support him.
CHURCH AND STATE. We do our best to compartmentalize work vs. down time. Church and state as they say, yes I did just reference Dr. Bailey and her husband Warren in Grey’s Anatomy. But it’s accurate! When it’s time to work, focus on that, and not the dishes at home or vacation plans for your next 3 day weekend. Conversely, enjoy the work-free time when you’re settled in for the night after dinner with your favorite book or show. This isn’t the time to bring up the invoice that hasn’t been paid, or how you should’ve shot those photos from a wider angle. Save work talk for the next day. Jot down your thoughts so you don’t forget, and then enjoy your person’s company.
PRIORITIZE RESPECT. Respect that you both need your own time to focus on your own priorities. We’ve had to find our way through a major shift as my social media presence has grown and Sam has had to take on much more of our at home responsibilities. We have found that we both have to prioritize things, individually and together. For example, our priorities when not working are good food (and wine) and quality time. We often sacrifice a clean house for that and while we might both get frustrated about that, it’s not AT one another. It’s together. It is a mutual understanding that we’ve prioritized other things and that’s okay.
DIFFUSE PRESSURE. Don’t pressure your partner into something they don’t want to do: there’s a vast difference between ‘not knowing how to, but I’ll learn’ and ‘not wanting to, but if I have to’. This can be a recipe for disaster if the person who doesn’t like or want to do something continues to feel pressured into it out of cost-limitations or convenience. It is fully possible to support someone in their goals and be involved in a capacity that makes you and them feel comfortable. Embrace your individual strengths to create a dream team; don’t force skills or strengths that aren’t there. Don’t be afraid to expand your team to avoid letting work frustrations boil over into your personal relationship.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY. We say this often, because we stand by it daily. Whether it’s a business partner or life partner, voicing concerns or praise is essential to a supportive relationship when working together. Both of you should be receptive to feedback (often easier said than done, we know), and be eager to grow and learn together while understanding that might be on different timelines and at different levels. If one of you isn’t thriving, have an open and honest conversation as to why. If one person needs constructive criticism, it can be difficult not to take it personally in this type of working relationship. Be gentle but clear on your needs and expectations, and start the conversation during ‘work’ time or preface that it is a ‘work’ discussion and is not a reflection on them as a person and your non-work relationship.
DANCE IT OUT. You know I am a self proclaimed lover and advocate of the 30-second dance party so when you need it most, turn up your favorite bop and DANCE! Music is a powerful thing. It brings people together, it helps us cope, it encourages us to move forward, and it is relatable af, just as I always intend for my space to be, as I take you through the real and raw of our everyday life. We dance in our kitchen, in the streets, whenever and wherever we feel like we need it. I promise it will bring some lighthearted energy back into your soul and a smile to your face; and it just might remind you of why you love what you’re doing and the joy of who you’re doing it with.
ENJOY THE PROCESS. We’re still learning. We don’t have it all figured out, and probably never will. But we have been through a LOT in nearly six years of our relationship, and over two years of marriage. And we are proud to say we’ve got a pretty great handle on figuring it out, but we also know what it feels like to be at square one.
If you too have found yourself working with your spouse or other loved one, above all else, communicate. Understand it is a learning process for both parties, and you will undoubtedly face some obstacles and frustrations. Prioritize work and personal objectives, realizing that you can’t prioritize it all, at least not all at once, and then share those with each other. Continue to respect one another and be kind, just as you would to a coworker at a new job, but enjoy that they are someone you can dance it out with. Finally, enjoy it! You get to do what you love with who you love! If you can manage the complexities (and its ok if you can’t), then you will be rewarded with an amazing opportunity to learn even more about yourselves and one another, and hopefully make a dollar or two along the way! Cheers babes!
Drop a comment with your working relationship success stories (or blunders) and head over to my IG to see the advice in action!
